Why am I not in the mood for sex?

Your life is busy, you have a lot on your mind, major changes have happened lately or you have been dealing with illness, trauma... There can be many reasons why your head is not in the mood for making love at all. Everyone has periods of less desire for sex, and that does not always have to be a problem. Still, “why don't I feel like having sex” is a frequently asked question. That is why we go over the causes and the tools that can help you below.

Causes of no or less interest in sex

“How come I don't feel like having sex?”, is that something that has already haunted you? Then you are not alone! Maybe your libido has dropped noticeably lately or your partner needs more physical contact than you can provide. And then you start doubting yourself.

It is a problem that occurs often and where the finger is typically pointed at the woman, while there are also men who sometimes feign a headache to get out of having sex. Nevertheless, the figures confirm that about 19% of men regularly feel less inclined, while 41% of women admit that they are often not in the mood.

Why do women have less sex drive? And men? This can be for many reasons, including psychological causes and physical problems.

The relationship with your partner: How important is sex in your relationship? Is there (too) much pressure being put on it? Do you both feel safe to go all out and talk openly about sexuality? That all has an influence on your sex drive. Always be honest and talk openly about any things that are bothering you – but in a respectful way.


The sex itself: "Why don't I feel like having sex?" is a question that also invites you to take a look at the lovemaking itself. Do you enjoy a free party? Do you get excited? Does sex hurt? Again, communication is of the utmost importance here. Go on a journey of discovery with your partner during extensive foreplay and clearly indicate what you like and don't like during sex.

Psychological problems: Stress, having a lot on your mind, no time, the kids... it doesn't exactly make you want to dive between the sheets. Many feel insecure about their body or abilities in bed, while trauma or emotions from the past may also play a role. "Why don't I need sex" is not always the right question, but the emotional and psychological blocks you carry with you from the past are.

Physical causes: Finally, there may also be a physical, medical problem. Think of vaginismus, a chronic illness, fatigue, medication, the pill, etc. Always visit a doctor if you suspect underlying physical complaints.

How do you get more sex drive? Our tips!

You may have already discovered some reasons why you feel less like making love above. “How do I feel like having sex”, is the next question. Of course, that partly depends on the cause, but the following tips can do no harm.

De-stress and relax: Making time to relax can really do wonders for stress. How about yoga, breathing exercises, nature walks or an evening of Netflix? A long, warm bath? For others, that means exercising, planning the agenda better... but anyway: do something you like to do now and then, it's good for your sex life!

Make time for each other: Another tip that takes some planning, but is so important. If you're in a relationship, it's not a bad idea to spend an evening together every now and then and do something fun together. Use such moments to talk honestly about your relationship and sexuality. And who knows, date night might turn into a steamy lovemaking – no pressure!

Talk about your insecurities: Whether it's about body insecurities, fears related to sexuality, or old traumas, don't shut your partner out. Professional help is recommended for serious psychological issues.

Take care of your health: If you are sick, have all kinds of ailments, are overweight or have very little energy, your libido will naturally suffer. So: eat healthy, exercise regularly and get enough sleep. Because all of that also affects your sex drive.

Use a tool: How do you get a sex drive? With an arousal gel or mood setter from https://mynewside.com eroticshop Amsterdam of course! Such gels, aromas and sprays can get you both in the mood at the same time. Toys or erotic games are also particularly effective for triggering foreplay.

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